Forgiveness Talk

I am awful at blogging and do hope I have a chance to be better.  Right now my life has been super stressful and very crazy.  So in the middle of all my craziness, I was asked to speak in Sacrament.  I prayed and pondered this talk on Forgiveness for awhile.  Well it went well and I had quite a few compliments.  I want to make sure I remember this talk so I am putting it here on my blog.  If you read this, I hope it inspires you.

President Gordon B. Hinckley had a conference talk on Forgiveness in October 2005. He states” Forgiveness may be the greatest virtue on earth and certainly the most needed. There is so much of meanness and abuse, of intolerance and hatred. There is so great a need for repentance and forgiveness. It is the great principle emphasized in all the scripture, both ancient and modern.” He concludes his talk with this, “The great Atonement was the supreme act of forgiveness. The magnitude of that Atonement is beyond our ability to completely understand. I know only that it happened, and that it was for me and for you. The suffering was so great, the agony so intense, that none of us can comprehend it when the Savior offered Himself as a ransom for the sins of all mankind. It is through Him that we gain forgiveness. It is through Him that there comes the certain promise that all mankind will be granted the blessings of salvation, with resurrection from the dead. It is through Him and His great overarching sacrifice that we are offered the opportunity through obedience of exaltation and eternal life.”


I am a convert of the church. I became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints when I was 18 years old. I can testify to you that Satan does everything in his power to make you weak and turn you away from this wonderful blessing. About 2 years after I was baptized, we suffered a very hard tragedy in our family. My cousin (who was only 4 years older than me) was killed by gang members. He was an innocent bystander. This was very hard on me and my family. My first reaction was to be angry with my Heavenly Father for letting this happen. For 2 weeks after my cousin’s death, I asked my Heavenly Father every day WHY. Why did he do this? And for 2 weeks I never received an answer. My heart was hardened. My life was very black. After 2 weeks, I humbled myself and let my anger go. I remember getting on my knees (once again) and asking Heavenly Father why. Why did he let this happen? Why Troy? Because of my humbleness and lack of anger, Heavenly Father must have felt I needed an answer. I remember this warm feeling envelope me. I remember it feeling like giant arms hugging me. I was warm, I was happy, I was at peace. Then my answer came. Because it was his time. I can tell you right now that if Heavenly Father had tried to tell me that answer right after my cousin’s death, I wouldn’t have listened or accepted it. It was such a simple answer. But I knew it was the right answer and that it true. After receiving this answer and accepting it, I remember that warm feeling going away and I was going to be ok. I got right on the phone to call my mom to tell her this amazing thing that happened to me. The greatest thing was the shocked expression my mother had after I told her. She told me not a couple hours before, my aunt (my mom’s sister), had called my mom and told her the exact same thing I just told her. The same warm feeling… the same answer. My aunt is not a member of the church. It just shows you how we are all children of God and he loves each and every one of us the same.

Now that I had my answer and knew life was going to be okay, you would think that I would be happy and move on. But I couldn’t. I just had a nagging feeling every day. During a Sharing Time lesson in Primary on this, they talked about this nagging feeling like carrying a bag of rocks around. That is exactly how I felt. I felt this heavy bag of rocks with me and could not shake them. I would pray to my Heavenly Father, asking what I need to do to get rid of this feeling. And every time he would give me the vision of my scriptures. I wouldn’t listen. I didn’t know how the scriptures would help me in this situation. So I ignored it and went on with life carrying this big bag of rocks. About the third time of praying to Heavenly Father and receiving the same answer of Scriptures, I realized that I should listen. The only problem was I was only a 2 year convert and in no way a scholar of the scriptures. I had heard of people being able to quote scripture off the top of their head that would answer all their questions. I even heard of people being able to open their scriptures to the right page and all their answers would be right there. I didn’t think that could happen for me. In no was I able to quote a scripture… In no way was opening the scripture to the right page going to happen for me. So I took a few days to ponder Heavenly Father’s answer of the scriptures.

It finally came to me that I needed to zero in on the rock in my bag that was really heavy that day. So that particular day I remember all that was on my mind was the word Murder. I grabbed my scriptures and decided to look up the word Murder in the Topic Guide. I couldn’t believe all the references in the scriptures to just one little word. I started to look up every scripture in that Topical Guide that dealt with the word murder. After a couple scriptures, I grabbed a black color pencil to mark these scriptures (I picked black because that was the color that represented Murder to me). After I looked up every one of those scriptures, I felt at peace with the word Murder. That rock was taken from my bag and I felt a bit lighter. I honestly don’t recall every feeling down about that word again.

So that was my process. If I was feeling down about something… I would zero in on what was really bugging me and look up every scripture on that word, mark them with the color that represented that word, and I was able to take that rock out of my bag when I was finished. Anger, hate, death, kill, blood… all of them, gone. I can’t even describe the feeling I got every time I finished reading my scriptures.

Eventually I got down to one rock in my bag. And folks this one was a big one. During my Sharing Time lesson, I was trying to get 8-11 years old to understand how big this feeling was so I got one of the big rocks from the canyon that I could barely carry and took this out of my bag to show how big this burden was for me. The rock I pulled out was Forgiveness. The kids were amazed at how big the rock was and I think they understood how big of a burden it was for me. Forgiveness… how could I get rid of this rock? How was I supposed to forgive these boys for killing my cousin? This was one rock I couldn’t get my hands around. So I figured I would read my scriptures and I would have my answers and I would feel better. So, with my color pencil on hand, I was ready to read the scriptures on Forgiveness. This is what I found:

Joshua 24:19 – he will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 – For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 18:21-22 – how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven. Luke 6:37 – forgive and ye shall be forgiven. Ephesians 4:32 – forgiving on another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. 3 Nephi 13:14-15 – if ye forgive men their trspasses, Father will forgive you. D&C 64:10 – I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

I think you get the picture. After reading all those scriptures and more, I realized that I must forgive these men for what they did for to my cousin. And if I didn’t forgive them, Heavenly Father would not forgive me. That was a really hard thing to digest. I didn’t have that feeling of peace after reading those scriptures. If anything, my rock in my bag got heavier. I walked around wondering and pondering how in the world was I ever supposed to forgive these boys. For over 10 years I walked around with that rock of Forgiveness on my back. It seemed that every year that rock got heavier and heavier. I just couldn’t do this one thing very easily. Then one day, I must have been very humble. (I must have been cleaning or something like that). I have learned that my answers come from Heavenly Father at my most humble times. I was thinking about those boys that killed my cousin. I was thinking about their lives in jail all these years. I was wondering if they ever thought about the young man they killed. All of a sudden I saw the picture of Jesus on the cross. I saw him up there bleeding… and all I could think about is what he said. Luke 23:34 – Then said Jesus, Father forgive them; for they know not what they do. Here Jesus was bleeding and he was asking Father to forgive these people for what they did to him. If Jesus could forgive them, why can’t I forgive these boys. This stopped me in my tracks and made me realize that I could forgive them. It wasn’t up to me to be their judge. Only Heavenly Father will judge them for what they did. All I had to do was forgive them…. They will answer to Heavenly Father when the time comes. What an amazing thought this was to me. Finally I was able to take out that huge rock out of my bag and toss it aside. My bag was finally empty. My burdens were finally gone.

I testify to you that I know this gospel is true. I know that Heavenly Father is there for me. That I am his daughter. That he listens to every word I say and will always answer my prayers. I know He loves me. I know that he will forgive me for my sins, as long as I forgive others. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life. For the answers it has given me. I am grateful for the scriptures and the answers and knowledge they give me. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

***  Just a side note... I added a story from President Hinckley's talk and a poem.  If you get a chance to read this talk, please do... it is amazing.

My answer came in the form of a Reality TV show

It is no mystery that I struggle with my children all the time.  Kimmy is always pushing my buttons, Matthew is starting to push, and I am scared that if I don't get a handle on this, Jacob will push too.  So I am always looking for answers.

The other night was the last straw for me.  It was a bad day all around but ended with me getting so upset that I wondered if I would have a heart attack at a young age.  So I got on my knees and was pleading to my Heavenly Father to help me and give me answers.  I went to bed feeling like he was pondering how to answer my prayer.

The next morning I still didn't feel inspired so we just went about our normal morning.  By the time all the kids were in school and Jacob went down for nap, I was just plain discouraged.  I didn't know what to do or where to go so I decided I deserved a downtime and watch some mindless tv.  What catches my eye was 19 Kids and Counting.  I haven't watched this show for a good year but today it sounded pleasant.  Boy did it wake me up.  By the time I finished watching my hour worth of tv, I knew my answer to my prayer.

If I try with all my might and do what my Father in Heaven has asked me to do, then I should see the blessings.  This is my answer and I know I need to put it into action.  It won't be easy but it will be worth it.

Wish me luck.

Jacob's latest adventure

Yes he is only 22 months but he is interested so we figured why wait.  He basically only sits on it before bath but it is a start.

Halloween 2012

What a fun Halloween for 2012.  We had a couple of parties and our new ward had a Trunk-or-Treat.  I have not been a big fan of Trunk-or-Treats but this ward goes all out.  They feed you, they try to scare you, but all in all it is a great way to visit with the ward.  We took the opportunity of the Trunk-or-Treat on Tuesday night to go visit friends on Halloween night.  That felt so much better than get a bunch more candy.

 My pretty purple witch.  I was grateful she wasn't a princess for once.

 Matthew once again wanted to be scary but the sword took over the decision on what to be.  He loved this costume.

 Jacob was too young to have an opinion but I always say he is going to grow up to be a football player so hence the costume.  Brian found these old hand-me-down cleats to wear too.

 All of them happy but ready to go out and about.

Ok so I don't normally dress up but for Girl Scouts we decided to do a Halloween party.  We thought it would be fun to dress up.  So here we go.
Hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween!

Fun Fall Activities

Fall is here and it is one of my favorite seasons.  I love the cool weather and the falling leaves.  I wasn't too big on the snow that came the other day but tis the season.

One of our favorite activities in the fall is to go on the Pumpkin Walk.  The kids enjoy all the neat displays and of course they love to take pictures.  We have a bunch of pictures but these are a few of my favorites.

 They are all so cute in this Clifford picture.

 I thought Jacob looked so cute as Harry Potter.

 Matthew insisted on getting in the princess ones.  I am going to haunt him when he is a teenager with all these photos!

 This is the Matthew I love to see.

 Of course Kimmy makes a beautiful princess.

 Jacob as Mickey... priceless

 All happy faces.

 One of our other favorite activities is our annual pumpkin carving night.  In ourder are Dads, Jacobs, Matthews, Moms, annd Kimberlys.  Granted Daddy does most of the carving but the kids (even Jacob) tell him what they would like.

Our cute new house decorated for Halloween.  I just cant wait for the next couple of holidays in our new house.

Our new toy

Look at our fun new toy.  Thanks Grammie and Grampie for this fun swingset and helping put it together!

Aggie Homecoming Parade

 The Aggie Marching Band -- My friend Tanner is in here.

 This is Tanner.  Love this kid!

 Kimmy in the LaShars float in the parade.

 Kimberly and Ashlie doing their cheers.

Isn't she cute!

Bye old house, Hello new house

It finally happened... we moved.  And now I finally have a few minutes to talk about it.

I was planning on being so prepared... boxes organized and packed, house completely cleaned, etc.   Well I wasn't quite there when we finally got around to moving.  We were delayed about a week for circumstances beyond our control so I had an extra week to get ready.  But the day came and I still had a few more things to pack in the kitchen and bathroom.  It took me a few extra days to clean up the house.  Whew it was exhausting.  Plus we were homeless for like 5 days so that was a bit stressful.  We stayed with Brian's parents for a couple of the days and then we camped at a hotel for the rest of the days.  It did give us a chance to sit in a hot tub and relax the muscles which was nice.

 Here are the kids saying bye to the old house.  This was one of our last days there cleaning.

 So cute and happy.

So the day finally came to move into the house.  Completely crazy day trying to move everything into the garage, backyard, or house in just a few hours of daylight, plus girl scouts, and dance.  Man it was rough.  Thankfully Brian had beds up and made for the night so we had something to sleep on.

It has been a couple weeks now and we are finally starting to feel like we live here instead of living out of boxes.  We have a few projects to work on but we are excited to work on them.

 This is a view from my front porch.  I love this view.

 Close up of those beautiful Wellsville Mountains.

 Here are the kids at our new house.

Happy kids.

So glad to be in Millville at a place we can call home.

Fall 2012

We love to go and look at leaves changing in the fall.  We decided to venture up the mountains on Monday to see what has already changed.  It was extremely smoky in the valley so we hoped to get out of it a bit but it was just as bad in the mountains (see picture below).  We have made it an annual tradition to take pictures of the children in the changing leaves.  I love to see the colors up against them.  We had fun getting dirty and taking a break from our packing.

 As you can see, some leaves have changed but the smoke was still bad here.

 Matthew with his goofy grin.

 Jacob (focusing too much on me and made his eyes silly)

 Pretty Kimberly.  I love her long hair.

 Jacob in the trees (we always put the baby up in the trees and snap a picture)

 Our cuties!

 Matthew and his rocks.  This kid is all boy and loves to throw rocks.

 Kimmy's version of posing with rocks (literally).  She does love to throw the rocks too.

 Jacob had to join in posing with rocks.  And yes he loves to throw them too.

My handsome hubby.  I had to...  :-)

MOVING!

So it finally happened... we sold our home and have found a home in Millville.  It is crazy how all this has come about.  It all started a couple years ago we decided to put our house up for sale by owner.  We were hoping someone would love our house and this would happen fast.  Well nope... that didn't happen.  Then we had Jacob and I wasn't really in the mood to try and sell a house during that time.  We still had our sign up but we weren't too serious.  So this winter we decided to get serious and try to sell but this time with a realtor.  I have a good friend I grew up with that was in the business so at least I knew I could trust him and he could deal with the real me... not the person that makes everyone happy.

So I cleaned this house like crazy (I am a clean freak but seriously I had let some things go) and our sign went up April 1.  I couldn't believe how many people came thru our house in only a few short months.  We had at least 1 showing a week... I think there was 1 week in all this time that we didn't show the house.  A couple days we had 4 showings.  This had its bonuses and drawbacks.  I liked that I didn't have to tell people about the house... someone else did that.  I liked that my house was always clean.  I hated that I had to clean it every day.  haha.  I know silly that that was good and bad.  My children got really good at cleaning up a house and that impressed me.  We had to be kicked out of our house at the most unopportuned times. (not sure if that is a word or spelled right)  Poor Brian was woke up a few times from his daily sleeptime to be kicked out for an hour or so and then try to go back to sleep.  Probably the most annoying part was the people asking us if we sold our house yet for months.... not that I don't love them all but it got really tiring telling them no.

So just after a few months, I was getting pretty prepared that this wasn't going to happen this year.  Our kids were getting ready to start school and I really didn't want to have to take them out of their current school if I didn't have to.  So one normal week came and we had a couple showings.  Next thing we know our realtor calls and says we have an offer coming in... REALLY?!  I was surprised and happy.  Granted... didn't want to get the hopes up just in case but still I was surprised.  Luck have it, Brian was up 4 wheeling the day this offer came in and we had to wait for him to come off the mountain before we could dig into this.  Within 1 week, we sold our house. 

Now for the craziness of having to find us a place to live in 1 month.  Brian and I were so excited April 1 to start looking for houses.  By July we had all but given up at looking so when this came up, we were so not prepared.  Instantly we started looking for anything that fit our family.  We looked at so many houses in 1 week and I learned that I was going to have to not be picky.  BUT I still wanted something we could love and live in for 20 years.  It was fun to be on this side of house hunting but I have to say this... I kept my house spotless compared to some of the houses we saw.  Jeez!  We were finding some homes that we loved but they were way out of our budget.  We started thinking that maybe we could swing a more expensive home but finally came to our senses (with lots of praying) and realized what we could afford and to stick with our budget.

So now we were worried there wasn't going to be a house for us until we thought to look at a house that we kept by-passing. (the kitchen counter tops were blue- seriously people).  We got to the house and could not believe that this house was in our budget.  The lot was huge!  We walked in the house and yes there were things that I thought ugh (blue counter tops) but really I fell in love with this house.  I actually could see me doing things to this house to make it our home that got me really excited.  The size of the lot was amazing to us and we could see our kids and dog loving this yard.  Brian and I joked that we will be mowing every day just to keep up the yard work but that is ok.  The more houses we looked at, we just couldn't get over the fact of the size and how the house was perfect for us.  It is out in Millville so close to the city but still feeling like it is the country.  Brian loves Millville canyon and now he will be able to ride his 4 wheeler right up there from the house and play.

Now I am a big believer that Heavenly Father knows how our lives will be and directs us if we listen.  Well with this house, things were just falling into place.  We know this is our house and we couldn't be more excited. 

I laugh cause I am going on and on but I don't have a picture of it yet.  haha.  I will soon.  So we are currently packing and arranging and going crazy... all in excitement for what lies ahead.  I keep Pinteresting and finding great winter projects for Brian (he is sick of them... except when I found a wall painted like a baseball... he was pretty happy about that one).
So on to our next adventure... if we survive this next month!

Matthew's First Day of Kindergarten

 Gotta love his Angry Bird backpack!

Matthew is an official Kindergartener.  That seems so crazy to me.  I will never forget the day he was born.  Ok I will stop crying and get back to Matthew.  I have to tell you a little bit about my Matthew.  He is such a great kid and always tries to help me out.  He is a sports nut and could play baseball 24/7 if you let him.  Now with that in mind, he is also a very nervous kid when it comes to something new.  Before any sport he has played, he has been extremely excited but extremely nervous.  Usually it results in a breakout of tears for a few minutes and then he is good to go.  So first day of Kindergarten comes and Matthew wakes up and starts to get dressed.  He is being pretty quiet so I am just hanging out waiting to see what happens.  Sure enough... he comes out with buckets of tears telling me he was going to throw up.  I could see he was just really nervous so I had to be very positive.  It is a good thing Matthew doesn't understand that I cry at everything because I had tears too but I was so happy for him.  So Kimberly and I sat there and did all we could to get him super excited and not nervous for Kindergarten.  I even threatened Matthew I would dance really silly just to make him laugh.  It worked.  By the time we got to school, he wasn't nervous and was happy.  Of course when I picked him up, he was so excited to tell me everything about school.  He loves it.  He is typically a shy kid so I didn't expect him to make friends right away.  We have been in school for about a week and he tells me he is starting to talk to the kids.  I am glad.

I love this kid... no matter how many buttons he tries to push.

Kimberly's First Day of 3rd Grade

Here is my beautiful 3rd grader!  It is crazy to me to think she is now in 3rd grade.  It also scares me to death what is coming up.  I mean 3rd grade was very innocent for me (I do recall this was the chicken pox outbreak for me) but 4th grade I started noticing boys.  So I better enjoy this year!

Kimberly had a couple new things this year.  First off she didn't want a backpack.  She wanted an over the head bag.  Ok so I was fine with that.  I think next year she might want to go back to a backpack but we shall see.  The second is she is obsessed with zebra stripes (hence the outfit).  She is talking about so much zebra stripes that I dreamed it one whole night.

Love this girl... no matter how crazy she drives me!

Lagoon Day

We took the kids to Lagoon on a Saturday just for fun.  We had a blast.  The kids enjoyed riding rides, Brian and I even rode a couple big roller coasters, and we ate lots of fun stuff.  It was a first for Lagoon for our kids and it had been many years for Brian and me.  Even Jacob had fun riding the ferris wheel and train.

Great day!

Fun in the sun

The title says it all.